The Midlife Unraveling: When Letting Go is the Bravest Thing
We don’t talk enough about what really happens in midlife—not the wrinkles or the hormones—but the inner unraveling.
Brené Brown describes this season so clearly in her article The Midlife Unraveling:
“Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an unraveling. By definition, you can’t control or manage an unraveling... It can’t be fixed like a car or upgraded like a phone.”
That line stopped me in my tracks. And I imagine if you’re here, you’ve felt it too—the slow loosening of things you once held onto tightly: beliefs, roles, relationships, silence.
For me, the unraveling came in layers.
In Cracked Open: A Journey to a Resilient and Independent Mindset, I tell the story of my own midlife reckoning—how I found myself deep inside a high-control system that didn’t fit. A system that told me who I should be and what I was allowed to want as a woman. A system that rewarded silence, sacrifice, and perfectionism.
I was praised for playing the part: the pastor’s wife, the people-pleaser, the strong one. But deep down, I was exhausted. And more than that—I was quietly angry. Angry at a system that oppressed women under the guise of godliness. Angry that I was ruled over by a narcissistic spouse who would not, and could not, meet me in truth. Angry that nothing about my life felt like mine.
The moment of reckoning came when I stopped asking, “What’s wrong with me?”
And began asking, “What if there’s nothing wrong with me at all? What if the system itself is broken?”
That question unraveled everything.
When you’re inside a system that discourages questioning—whether it's religious, relational, or cultural—the act of wondering why can feel like rebellion. But in reality, it’s the beginning of wisdom.
The unraveling is terrifying, yes. You may lose relationships, social belonging, or the fragile sense of safety you've constructed. But what you gain?
Your voice.
Your freedom.
Your self.
In therapy and in my work with women in midlife, I see this pattern again and again.
The ones who once played by the rules begin to rewrite the rules. The ones who were told to stay small begin to take up sacred space. The ones who doubted themselves begin to trust the wisdom that was always inside.
This is not about burning it all down in chaos or rage (though both may visit you for a season). It’s about reassembling your life in a way that finally feels honest.
That might mean:
Leaving a toxic relationship
Redefining faith on your own terms
Shifting careers or boundaries
Healing trauma with compassion, not shame
Learning to say no—without guilt
Creating a life that you want to live
It’s not easy. But it’s beautiful.
Your midlife unraveling is not a breakdown. It’s a breakthrough.
It’s not failure. It’s your soul refusing to keep living a lie.
And while it may feel like everything is falling apart, what’s really happening is that the truth is finally being allowed to take up space.
You are not alone in this sacred undoing.
You are becoming.
