Embracing the Unknown
Have you ever been driving with the radio on and heard one of those ads:
“Call now and speak to a psychic who can tell you your future. Finally, get the certainty you deserve!”
I used to lean into those words. I wanted certainty with every fiber of my being. About my career. My relationships. My life’s path. About whether I’d be safe, loved, successful.
Because here’s the truth:
Future uncertainty is the not-knowing. The blank space ahead. It’s the inability to guarantee outcomes, no matter how hard we plan, predict, or pray.
And that’s terrifying for many of us—especially women who’ve been taught that if we just work hard enough, do the right things, or follow the right formulas, life should make sense.
Those psychic ads play into a universal human craving. They whisper that certainty is possible—that someone, somewhere, has your answers neatly packaged and waiting.
But certainty is a myth.
And believing it exists can leave us stuck, heartbroken, or worse—in danger.
In my book Cracked Open, I write about a time in my life when I felt safe because I thought I had all the answers. I clung to beliefs, relationships, and systems that promised me certainty. But then, the answers stopped making sense. The beliefs didn’t hold up. And the certainty I thought was keeping me safe was actually placing me in harm’s way.
Letting go of the illusion of certainty was terrifying—but it was also the beginning of freedom.
So why do we grasp so tightly for certainty?
Because:
We Want Control. If we can predict what’s coming, we believe we can steer it, dodge pain, and guarantee success.
We Want Security. Knowing our path feels safer than standing in the unknown.
We Crave Validation. Certainty makes us feel like we’re “right,” like we’re doing life correctly.
It’s completely normal—but it’s also limiting.
Here’s why the relentless chase for certainty can be detrimental:
It Keeps Us Stuck. We refuse to make changes unless we’re 100% sure of the outcome—and no big life move comes with guarantees.
It Fuels Anxiety. Trying to control the uncontrollable is exhausting and breeds constant worry.
It Blocks Growth. Uncertainty is where creativity, resilience, and new possibilities live. Without it, we stay small and safe—but unfulfilled.
If certainty is a myth, how do we cope?
1. Practice Present-Moment Living
Focus on what’s true right now rather than what-ifs. The future is shaped one moment at a time.
2. Get Curious, Not Catastrophic
Instead of asking, “What if it all goes wrong?” ask, “What might be possible here?” Curiosity is a powerful antidote to fear.
3. Build Inner Safety
Safety doesn’t come from knowing the future—it comes from knowing you can handle whatever happens.
When uncertainty grips you, repeat:
“I can handle what comes.”
“I don’t have to know the whole path to take the next step.”
“Uncertainty is space for possibility.”
Here’s how to thrive—even when nothing feels certain:
1. Unpack Old Messages in Counseling
So many of our fears about uncertainty come from old stories: “Good girls follow the rules,” “Security means safety,” “Change is dangerous.” Therapy helps you question and release these messages.
2. Stop Predicting Doom
Notice when your brain writes horror stories about the future. Gently challenge those predictions. “Is that true? Is it the only possibility?”
3. Make Tiny Experiments
Instead of giant leaps, try small actions into the unknown. Call it an experiment—not a forever decision.
4. Find a Community of Brave Women
Surround yourself with people willing to admit they don’t have it all figured out. Vulnerability is contagious—and freeing.
5. Celebrate Resilience, Not Certainty
Measure success by how you navigate the unknown, not by how much you control it.
The truth is this:
We want to know our job is secure. That we’re headed in the “right” direction. That our kids will be safe. That we’ll meet our goals.
I know that longing intimately.
But life has shown me that certainty isn’t safety. The systems and people I trusted for answers weren’t always safe. And it was only when I let go of needing all the answers that I could finally discover new, beautiful truths.
So if you’re standing at the edge of the unknown right now—career shifts, relationship changes, life transitions—I want you to know:
You don’t need a psychic.
You don’t need perfect plans.
You just need courage for the next step.
Because the woman who can live with uncertainty is the woman who is truly free. She has learned to be flexible and knows she has the inner resources for the days ahead.
