Rewriting the Holiday Script

Elizabeth looked like she had everything together the week before Thanksgiving. Her calendar was neatly mapped out. She had a day set aside for her hair, another for her nails, and her Prime Day list was organized by category. She was determined to create the most magical holiday season yet. By all appearances, she had mastered it.

By January 2, the gloss had worn off. She could not find her hairbrush. She could not find her toothbrush. Her bank account was in the red. Her closest relationships were strained, not because of conflict, but because she had spent her emotional energy trying to keep up with obligations that did not matter. The season that promised magic had left her depleted.

Many of us know her story in our own way. We walk into November thinking this might be the year we savor the moment, slow down, breathe, and enjoy it. And then the pressure hits. The belief that this is the most magical time of the year is everywhere. Commercials, movies, music, and stores are stacked to the ceiling with the message that more is better. Even a trip to Costco can stir up a feeling of not quite measuring up. The lawn decor alone can make us question whether we are doing enough.

We get swept into the familiar. The familiar pace. The familiar frenzy. The familiar pressure that tells us hair-on-fire stress is normal and expected. But familiar does not mean normal. And it definitely does not mean right.

In my private practice, this season brings an increase in anxiety, dread, and relationship tension. People want to enjoy the holidays. They want connection, meaning, and rest. But the expectations stack up quickly. Financial pressure. Family dynamics. The belief that we must create a picture-perfect season for our kids. The pressure to host with ease, buy the perfect gifts, show up to every event, smile through the hard parts, and keep everyone happy.

So here is the real question. What do you actually want this season to be? Not what you think you should want. Not what the commercials tell you. Not what tradition demands. What feels right to you?

This is the work of turning down the volume. Turning down the shopping noise, the social media noise, the comparison noise, the financial noise, and the frenetic pace that tells you there is no other way.

You can choose a different rhythm. It requires honesty, courage, and a willingness to let go of the myth of the perfect holiday. It also requires clear and compassionate boundaries.

Boundary work in this season is not about shutting everyone out. It is about protecting what matters.

You can create a leaving strategy before attending events that drain you. You can practice saying no with kindness, such as: Thank you for thinking of me, but I will not be able to make it this year. Or: I appreciate the invitation, and I need to keep this season lighter for my own well-being. For financial boundaries, you can set a budget that honors your reality, not someone else's expectations. For food boundaries, remember that food influences mood. Nourishing yourself is not indulgent. It is stabilizing. Emotional boundaries allow you to name what you feel, give yourself permission to have feelings, and create space to explore them. Relationship boundaries help you engage where there is mutual respect and disengage where patterns are harmful. Boundaries with your time matter too. You do not have to stretch your days thin to make perfect cookies or wrap gifts without a wrinkle. You need sleep far more than you need flawless presentation. A consistent sleep routine may be one of the most healing choices you make this season.

The holidays do not have to happen to you. You get to shape them. You get to choose what you say yes to and what you decline. You get to set a tone that matches your values, your energy, and your reality.