TOOLS, STORIES, and MORE
Sex, Intimacy, and Desire in Midlife
There are certain conversations that become easier to have once we reach midlife, and then there are the ones we still blush and whisper about. Sexuality, intimacy, and libido often fall into that second category.
I hear women ask, "Why don't I want sex anymore?" or "What's wrong with me?" Sometimes the question is about physical desire. Sometimes it is about feeling disconnected from a partner. Sometimes it is about not recognizing their own body. And sometimes it is much bigger than sex.
Midlife can invite us into a surprisingly deep (and sometimes unfamiliar) examination of what we have been taught about our bodies, our relationships, pleasure, desire, femininity, aging, and what it means to be a sexual person.
And perhaps one of the most important things to understand is this: sexuality, intimacy, and libido are not the same thing.
Grief of Relationships Ending
Lately, I have been hearing a lot about endings. Not just romantic breakups, although there have been plenty of those. I am hearing from clients and friends about friendships that have quietly fizzled out, relationships that ended unexpectedly, and long-term connections that seemed solid until, suddenly, they weren't. Sometimes the ending is dramatic and obvious. Other times, there is no clear ending at all. A friendship simply becomes less frequent, the texts become fewer, invitations stop coming, and eventually you realize that someone who was once woven into the fabric of your life is no longer really in it. There are also the relationships where, in retrospect, the ending makes sense. You can see the signs now, but at the time you were busy living your life. You didn't know the other person was unhappy or pulling away. You didn't realize they had been questioning the relationship for months or even years. You were still standing inside something that, from your perspective, was still intact.
That kind of ending can be particularly difficult because you are grieving while also trying to understand what happened. You may find yourself going back through conversations and memories, wondering what you missed.