Michelle’s Story

Designing a Life That Reflects Who I Am

I turned 40 in 2008. (I see you doing the math!) The timing could not have been more interesting. The country was navigating the worst financial crisis since the Great Depression. Retirement accounts were shrinking, home values were falling, and the news cycle felt relentless. At the same time, I packed up my life and moved north to New England with five children in tow.

Suddenly, I was learning an entirely new culture. I had to understand a Boston accent (cue Dunkin'), figure out how to heat a home with oil and radiant heat, navigate private schools, public transportation, Nor'easters, and humidity that transformed my hair into a science experiment. Meanwhile, the local media seemed perpetually obsessed with Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen. I learned that people were fiercely loyal to the Red Sox, that weather was a legitimate conversation topic, and that "wicked" could describe just about anything. Most confusingly, I often couldn't tell whether someone was talking about their car keys or their khakis.

I had moved several times throughout my life and developed a simple rule: give yourself six months to settle in. But this move was different. There were external stressors everywhere. We lived in a neighborhood where sirens were common, and I watched my children closely. My days were spent racing between schools, activities, sports, and playdates while trying to help everyone establish a new sense of home. At the same time, internal stressors were building that I didn't yet understand: anxiety, hormonal shifts, disrupted sleep, and what I now suspect was the beginning of perimenopause.

I remember driving through the Big Dig, Boston's massive underground highway project. Multi-story buildings, hotels, and convention centers sat above portions of the interstate. As I drove through those tunnels, my skin would begin to tingle. I would take deep breaths and think, "What if this structure fell on me and my children?"

At the time, I thought something was wrong with me. Looking back, I can see that my nervous system was sounding an alarm. And honestly, it had good reason.

What I didn't understand then was that women entering midlife can experience a perfect storm. Hormones begin shifting, sleep becomes more fragile, and stress accumulates. Aging parents need care. Children need us in different ways. Careers demand more. Marriages evolve. Our bodies change, and the questions we've managed to push aside often become harder to ignore. The nervous system is carrying a heavier load than it once did, and for many women, anxiety becomes an unexpected and unwelcome guest at the table.

Continue reading Michelle's story of how she learned to design a life by her own terms.